Ballad of a Lost Soul

I remember the rhythm of our waltz: one step forward and two steps back.

I look in the rear view mirror of my memory of you, and yet, despite moving forward in reverse, with every footstep we somehow managed to write our names in the sand.

I find myself there often, retracing the dotted line of our last song. As if the soles of my bare feet want to read the texture of the surface in braille.

It hurts. Holding onto a dream that only existed in my world. These past few months have been a living hell. There are reminders of you in every song, in every wish, in every single shadow.

When .. how .. why did I become the monster that you despise? I turn around and look at my reflection in the mirror through your eyes .. and I hate what I see .. I hate what I see the same way you do when you look at me.

Then I turn back to look at your picture. My hands are shaking. The photo is blurring. I’m drowning in your eyes over and over again. I am filled with rage, but once again paralysed by my love for you.

My body is softly swaying. I wish my soul could slow dance with yours one last time.

Suddenly the songs don’t have lyrics. Wishes are flames turning to dust. Shadows seem empty.

I lov..
I’ll leav..
I’m sorr..

I ..