On my way to work this morning, I listened to one of the songs you picked for me on a day when I was scared and the walls simply came too close for me to breathe. But you knew .. you knew that I understood the language of music and that it was the only way you would be able to hold my fear in your hands and comfort it. I arrived at work with a silent smile.
I left work, tired, after an extremely busy day. But instead of longing for your 16:30 sms when I reached home, I focussed on the times it brought me joy. Almost every day I would await that sms: asking what I was up to or how my day was? And how that ‘same’ intro line would pull the curtains on a unique conversation every single night.
Tonight, I was sifting through our time ‘together’ and found you haven’t labelled or judged me once. I was the one who refused to accept me. You understood every part of me, without me having to explain, as though you have written the script yourself and knew beforehand.
You looked at me, through me, beyond me .. and you knew. No questions asked. You accepted me as a person, embraced my soul, touched my heart, empowered me to lift my head, with the crown resting firmly on it ..
Why? I realise .. tonight, right now, for the first time .. you have always placed yourself in a rank lower than mine, always one step behind, always one level lower.
Why .. oh why .. if all that I have ever done is dare to walk in your shadow? If the only way of seeing you was by looking up, turning my head towards the sun? If the only way to touch you was to kneel at the feet of a giant?
I know .. nothing can be undone. And I respect that. I only wish for the opportunity .. only once .. of having you look at you ..
.. through my eyes.
I have re-discovered something today, which underlined the words which were already carved somewhere in my heart:
‘Never give up on the people you love.’
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