Sonder om te dink, te voel of te probeer onthou.
Een voet voor die ander, op my sokkies soos altyd. Geluidloos. n Middel tot n doel.
Ek stap verby die spieels in die gange, sonder om in hulle rigting te kyk. Ek hou die deure gesluit, behalwe vir die badkamer en my slaapkamer, wat lei na die balkon.
Die rame wat jou foto’s vashou le almal met hul gesigte na onder.
Once upon a time I was a dreamer .. and you were my dream. Your magnificent soul was the bait with which you lured me closer to you.
Close enough to feel your breath against my hand as my fingers reached out to read the contours of your face: exploring the reasons for the frown on your forehead, searching for ways to make the corners of your mouth turn upwards in a smile, understanding the sadness hidden between the fine lines around the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen.
When I woke from that dream, the breath against my hand was the goodbye you never said when you turned around and walked away towards a better tomorrow for you.
And all that remained of me was a ghost of the person I once thought I could be. A faceless shadow trapped within an emptiness, so vast and abstract .. that it becomes concrete.
You buried me alive .. and you did it on purpose. That probably hurt the most. Off course I know that I am not good enough, I only need a mirror to remind me of that, but I wanted to hear you say it, admit it, nonetheless.
Do you know that ‘you will never be able to love you like me.’ Ever.
While you forget to bring me flowers here in this open grave, I can’t help but appreciate the fact ‘how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.’
Ek gaan sit in die middel van die stel trappe met my arms gevou om my kniee.
I Am Ghost.
En ek voel hoe jou asem deur my waai ..
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